Money…It’s a Gas
November 4th, 2008 by Derek "Bob" Evans
I was recently paid in cash to do some side work for a man. I also paid a man to do side work for me. So recently, I have handled lots of cash.
For those who forget what cash is, it’s the green stuff that’s in the offering plates at church. (The little brown circle things in the offering plate you may be wondering about is Cheerios cereal left over from the mom who brings a bag of Cheerios to feed their starving four year old during church service, who thinks it’s cute to throw in cereal as a gift to the church)
It’s also how homeless guys clean their ears.
Furthermore, I recently begged the question:
What if people got paid in cash per hour?
Since most people got paid an hourly rate, why not fork over the money when it’s due, instead of waiting 7-14 days?
For instance: Say you’re at work, working hard… (aka viewing e-mails from the crazy secretary lady that always sends you chain e-mails of funny pictures off people falling of bicycles in London)
Then, you’re boss (the guy who gets the most vacation days and wears the same outfit daily) comes around with an envelope of cold, hard cash. He slips the money he promised you per hour, and walks away. Then comes back at 9, 10, 11 and so on through out the day and continues to pay you in cash. Monday through Friday.
Work would be more tolerable. You would feel like you actually got paid to work. Going to the bank would be like going to Old Country Buffet after fasting.
”What if I’m not at my desk?” you ask. No worries, if you are away from your desk, your boss simply slips the green paper into a personal bank shaped like a high school locker, and when inserted actually money, you hear a recording from the early 1990s Rally’s commercial of Seth Green saying “Cha-Ching!”
People would work harder. Life would be easier. There would be no more “Hey, we can’t go out to eat with you tonight, we don’t get paid until Friday” stuff.
Now, it would be “Heck yea, I worked a half-day, let’s go to Rally’s! On Me!”
