Recently I took a business trip out of town. Here are some of my thoughts from the trip.

- I think it’s funny how most hotels advertise by saying “Continental Breakfast and FREE HBO”. But nowadays that’s pretty standard. That’s like saying. “We’ve got ceilings and carpet!”

- How come anytime you go back to a hotel room, the beds already made? I think the T.V. and the miniature fridge got bored and decided to do me a favor.

- You know how people who work from computers surf the Internet during their lunch break? I wonder if hotel cleaning ladies jump from bed to bed during theirs?

- I was asked to fill out a survey on O.C.D., but I was too busy washing my hands.

- I pulled off onto an Exit to find that all the gas stations were closed. Then my theory of “Gas Stations are like Cal Ripken, Jr.” went away.

- You ever drive through the night and try to fight sleep by smacking yourself in the face? But then that makes things worse because you get dizzy and start to hallucinate: “Man, I better pullover, I can’t seem to pass this spaceship”.

The other day during lunch, I was eating leftover spaghetti. I can not think of anything better than spaghetti re-heated in the microwave. During the meal, my nose began to itch. I calmly scratched it, being cautious not to interrupt The Andy Griffith show on television. With great patience, I continued to scratch my nose and then it happened. A flake/booger, whatever you want to call it fell from my nose and into my spaghetti dish. What a bad thing to happen. With my appetite and the last servings of spaghetti, I had to make a decision of whether or not to throw it out. I looked around the room and no one was there. Yes, it happened. I decided to eat the spaghetti anyways knowing somewhere amongst the noodles was a booger floating around. Please do not judge me.

Obama won the election on Tuesday.  (Let’s leave that at that)

On a different note, obviously we can’t re-create history, but sometimes don’t you wonder how our lives would be different if you could by presenting the past with some of our modern inventions?

For example, what if you could plant a few mouse traps, insect repellant bottles, or hand sanitizer off back at the start of the Bubonic plague?  Another big “what if” would be if someone other than Noah had a barometer before The Flood.  Likewise… you have to wonder where we would be now if normal sized gym shorts we around in the early days of the NBA. 

This image below was draw by my dad, and answers the question of what if power tools were present before the fall of man.  Enjoy!

I was recently paid in cash to do some side work for a man. I also paid a man to do side work for me. So recently, I have handled lots of cash.

 For those who forget what cash is, it’s the green stuff that’s in the offering plates at church. (The little brown circle things in the offering plate you may be wondering about is Cheerios cereal left over from the mom who brings a bag of Cheerios to feed their starving four year old during church service, who thinks it’s cute to throw in cereal as a gift to the church)

 It’s also how homeless guys clean their ears.

 Furthermore, I recently begged the question:

 What if people got paid in cash per hour?

Since most people got paid an hourly rate, why not fork over the money when it’s due, instead of waiting 7-14 days?

 For instance: Say you’re at work, working hard… (aka viewing e-mails from the crazy secretary lady that always sends you chain e-mails of funny pictures off people falling of bicycles in London)

Then, you’re boss (the guy who gets the most vacation days and wears the same outfit daily) comes around with an envelope of cold, hard cash. He slips the money he promised you per hour, and walks away. Then comes back at 9, 10, 11 and so on through out the day and continues to pay you in cash. Monday through Friday.

 Work would be more tolerable. You would feel like you actually got paid to work. Going to the bank would be like going to Old Country Buffet after fasting.

 ”What if I’m not at my desk?” you ask. No worries, if you are away from your desk, your boss simply slips the green paper into a personal bank shaped like a high school locker, and when inserted actually money, you hear a recording from the early 1990s Rally’s commercial of Seth Green saying “Cha-Ching!”

 People would work harder. Life would be easier. There would be no more “Hey, we can’t go out to eat with you tonight, we don’t get paid until Friday” stuff.

 Now, it would be “Heck yea, I worked a half-day, let’s go to Rally’s! On Me!”

With the media blowing up the political race these days, the only thing that I can focus in on–Sarah Palin. Well not really her “attractiveness” or her northern accent, (which is so northern I thought she was from Saturn) but mostly the fact that she wears glasses.

Sarah Palin is to glasses how Prince was to Purple Rain/Leather Pants.

 Glasses can either make or break a persons looks. It sets you apart from non-glasses wearing humans. For Palin, I feel that it makes her. She has an advantage to the political race.  Imagine if you will, if she didn’t wear those glasses. Then she would just be a normal worker at Payless Shoes in Juno, Alaska.

 Sarah Palins “look” has been so popular that the percentage of eye glasses prescribed for women in the past 2 months have dramatically increased by 85%***. (And somehow, the cost of cigarettes for basketball players have  went up.) ***

 You may be saying “but isn’t two-thirds of Life with Us Three writers, four-eyed creatures?”

 Yes, you are observant and correct. I, myself, have been blessed to not be prescribed with glasses. Although I have eaten a bag of baby carrots each day since I was a baby. ***

I also once had a rat-tail haircut.

 My point is: Americans look at you differently when you wear glasses. It makes you seem smarter. Look at some of the most successful people in the past 50 years. Steve Jobs, owner and founder of Apple, wears glasses. John Lennon (and the rest of The Beatles at one time) wore eye glasses. Harry Carry, former Cubs broadcaster, wore glasses that Dumbo couldn’t even fit behind his ears. But if Harry didn’t wear those glasses, he would have been the guy screaming “Coooolllllllllldddddddddddd Beeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrr!”

 The moral of this blog is to say it’s not who you are, but how you see. Or how people see you. You “see” what I’m saying?

 *** = made up stat

We have all been there… middle of the day, sitting at your work or school desk and you think to yourself, “this is boring and I kinda have to go to the bathroom.” Next thing you know you are on your way down the hall headed for the restroom to get some peace and quiet. You enter the bathroom as usual looking forward to your escape from reality only to sit down on the toilet and be slightly disturbed by what you are feeling.

“Ewww, this toilet seat is WARM!!!” you scream inside your head.

We all know the feeling, but for whatever reason we are never prepared for how, subtlety, the warm toilet seat bothers us. I mean it isn’t like getting burned by a hot iron where you know to break contact immediately, instead you sit down, (business as usual) and suddenly… something is… off.

The worst part about this recurring oddity is the fact that there are no safety precautions you can take to avoid it, unlike other common bathroom blunders. For example, no TP, go to a new stall. You see leftover liquid from the person before you on the seat, you wipe it off with some TP, make sure it’s clean and you’re good to go. Or if you see some dribble on the floor and don’t want it to get on your pants when you sit… you wipe it up with some TP, make sure it’s clean and you’re good to go.

One thing I have found… you can’t wipe off warm. And unless you physically touch the seat with your hand (gross), you can’t foresee that the seat you are about to occupy still contains body heat from the last person who “throned” it.  The only way a warm toilet seat can get any worse is if it is a warm cushioned toilet seat, like at my aunt’s house.

If anyone has any pointers on how to or has created a device to detect warm toilet seats before sitting, please let us at LWU3 know… soon.

Today, I drove around Indianapolis looking for a part time job. My girlfriend, Lilly, lives on the north east corner of the city and mentioned several coffee shops were hiring. Starbucks was looking for employees and I decided to answer there call. If you ever Google Starbucks and see how many stores can be found in the Indianapolis area, you will be surprised. As a matter of fact, my application will be circulating through all the shops in the Indianapolis area. I thought to myself, surely, one will want my services? Or will they?

I have no barista experience and when it came to the section on the application that asked, “What skills do you hold for this position?” I wrote, “I love coffee!” Holy crap, I thought to myself, five minutes after I turned in the application, what a dumb response. It’s like writing “Yes please” in the sex box of the gender section. I know, that joke can be found in any comedy movie, which is why my “I love coffee skill” was no better than a bird flying north instead of south for the winter. Now, Imagine if that actually happened. It would be like a sports blooper on ESPN, hosted by Bob Saggot from Funniest Home Video’s.

In all actuality, I am sure it will be fine and hopefully will get an interview. It will be interesting when they compare all three applications I filled out. I applied to three different Starbucks in the area. The applications were all the same, but I never remembered the answer from the previous one. Here’s to no more bloopers.